I've always been larger. I'm 5'10 and have a wide frame. I have broad shoulders, wide hips and thunder thighs (thanks grandma). I worked out a lot when I was younger, actually quite a bit as I was part of a dance company that had a pretty rigorous training schedule. I was also an active teenager who participated in school sports (basketball and volley ball team) but regardless of any exercise, I was still larger than my classmates.
I was able to slim down through moderating my diet (I can't have more than 2 meals a day) but constantly having to monitor and calorie count, especially as a teenager isn't a fun way to live. Eventually, you just sort of stop caring and that's when I gained quite a lot of weight. Being a larger woman is one thing but being unhappy and unhealthy is another. I'm not going to post a photo of me at my largest, not because I'm embarrassed but because that defeats the purpose of this post as it's not about my weight loss (I lost about 70 pounds through a vegan diet and illness).
Writing this post makes me angry that I ever felt unhappy about myself and that I still struggle to embrace my physical appearance...which I shouldn't because I'm a pretty awesome person. There's not one person on The Nearsighted Owl's Link Up post that I don't think is beautiful...so why can't I think that about myself?
So, I know this post is supposed to be about accepting/embracing yourself and there has been some negativity in this post but don't fret, I promise it will end on a positive note. I am using this post as my vow to start becoming proud of my size. I'm going to stop trying to cover up myself when it's 100 degrees outside and I'm going to remind myself to stop worrying about my weight and focus on being healthy and happy.
You summed it up perfectly - "I got so unhappy with myself that I just stopped caring and gained quite a lot of weight." Story of my life. I've used our wedding as an incentive to get healthy, not dangerously thin.
ReplyDeleteIt seems we have more than just names in common. I totally know how you feel about the cardigan/arm/tights situation. To the point where I'm having panic attacks thinking about going cardigan-less in my wedding dress. Which is awesome, but it's strapless.
Well done on being proud of your size, which may I say, looks pretty hot. From someone equally self-conscious, I know how difficult that is to reach.
Thank you so much! You're too sweet.
DeleteI hear you on the wedding cardigan. I tried to wear one as a bridesmaid to cover up my arms at my cousin's wedding. She made me take it off for the ceremony and photos...I was so self conscious.
I bet you'll look beautiful in your wedding dress -- without a cardigan :)
This is exactly how I feel - There's not one person on The Nearsighted Owl's Link Up post that I don't think is beautiful...so why can't I think that about myself?
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your post. Your photo is beautiful!
Aww, thank you!
DeleteWomen are so overly critical of themselves and even though I know that, I still nitpick everything about my appearance. I really like Nearsighted Owl's challenge because I get to call myself out on my criticism.
Thanks so much for stopping by...and for your really kind words. :)
I feel totally the same, I have always struggled with my weight and it has only been in the last year that I have gone from a 14 to a 10, which has been my all time smallest... and to tell you the truth I still feel pudgy, but I guess there is always going to be something "more" to attain to.
ReplyDeleteI have varicose veins on my legs and have since I was in my teens so I always cover them up, and yes the summer does get really sweaty and ditto on the cardigans too. I am always envious of those who just mindlessly slip into their short shorts and tank tops without a care in the world about what that will look like.
On Thursdays I walk for 7 and a half hours delivering a local paper, and usually I wear so many layers that I am sweating within the first half an hour. But this week I decided to say screw it and threw out all my heavy woolen holey tights and went bare under my skirt... and man oh man did it ever feel refreshing! Sorry for this long winded comment, but I just wanted to let you know that there are others struggling with this, and I wanted to that you for showing me that as well. *hugs*
Shut the front door! You are gorgeous and I hope that you feel that way soon!
ReplyDeleteYou look amazing Alex. ♥
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